Lover Identity

Hey Bonnie, Who’s Got Your Back?

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When you need a helping hand, who do you call?   If you’re a Bonnie, you have a Clyde (the man you’re riding for). And, you also have a crew (the one or two women who ride with you). You’re a ride-or-die chick so you’d think you’re list was long. Yet, ironically, it isn’t. Why […]

Learn Your Lover Identity

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Lover identity is a person’s entire relational ideology and being. It’s a key concept in life and love.     Here are the five toxic, reactionary lover identities I found in my research with Black women:     Main Chick – You are a leader. You run the show. You are an overachiever and accustomed […]

Open Letter From a Recovering Main Chick

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Remember when Victor Cruz’s fiance sent a catch-all text message to his Side Chicks? A few people sent me the story, along with a bunch of LOLs and SMHs. I totally got the humor, I just couldn’t laugh. Why? Because, I used to be a Main Chick too. I spent years in often painful “monogamous” […]

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