perspective

You Can’t Fix Yourself By Breaking Someone Else

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There’s an implicit and often unspoken tendency to promote standing on the necks of others while climbing out of the pits of love and life. You’ve heard the stories, masked as mantras:   He’s not worth it. She doesn’t deserve you. You’re better than them. They can go to hell. He’s a loser. She’s an […]

Broken Crayons Still Color

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Yesterday we had a bunch of great conversations going about dissociative disorder. I shared that, as a recovering co-dependent and Main Chick (my former lover identity), I once suffered from dissociative disorder and I overcame it. This disorder is relatively common among people who’ve experienced a disproportionate amount of relational and social terrors. A steady […]

You’re Not Here To Heal Anybody

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Contrary to popular opinion, you’re not here to heal anybody.   I tend to say this often because I’m part of a community of scholars, educators, and coaches who do emotional justice for social justice. There are lots of opportunities to develop a savior complex in this line of work. It’s really easy to do, […]

Why You Need To Mind Your Own Business

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I think we can all agree that many children have otherworldly brilliance. There are examples of this all over the place. My favorite is that of little Rose, who gave her father a piece of sage advice, off the cuff, while she was busy fastening the seatbelt over her carseat. When asked if she needed […]

Longing, Pining, Obsessing (And Other Gifts)

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There are so many ways we’re taught to be ashamed of ourselves, especially our interior life. We’re taught to cover up our questions, desires, perceived weaknesses, and struggles. I used to support that stance. I don’t do that anymore because I learned it’s the cover that’s a shame. Instead, I’m down for reveals. Big ones. […]

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